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The Kidnapped Freshman 

or 

The Sophomore's Joke 



A Cnlteg? Siattt in ^iftte Aria 



By F. T. VREELAND 

Author of Fleeing Flyer 



Copyright 1915 by Dick & Fitzgerald 



v 



NEW YORK 

DICK & FITZGERALD 

18 Ann Street 






CID 41404 



Kru3\^^^ 



It?/ 



The Kidnapped Freshman. 



Note: — The professional acting rights of this play are ex- 
pressly reserved by the publishers, to whom theatrical managers 
who wish to produce it should apply. Amateur representation 
may be made without such application and without charge. 

CHARACTERS. 

Stephen Crawford President of his class 

Alonzo Crawford His father 

Chester Elliott Stephen's room-mate 

Mickey Sweeney ) „ 

Bill Goggins f Burglars 

Abie Kirschbaum Always ready for business 

Harry Thompson 
Jack Phillips 

Alfred Cutting L Members of Psi Nu 

Jimmy Flack 
Tommy Swift 

Paul Ransom Stephen's friend 

Mrs. Ransom PauVs mother 

Mabel Ransom PauVs sister 

Mrs. McNulty The landlady 

Gertie McNulty Her daughter 

Freshmen, sophomores, bill collectors, fraternity men, etc. 

Time. — The present. Locality. — Any college town. 

Time of Playing. — Two and a quarter hours. 

Note. — Throughout the play the name of any college may be 
used, and the names of any fictitious fraternities substituted 
for Psi Nu and Beta Theta Lambda. 

3 



4 The Kidnapped Freshman. 



SYNOPSIS. 

Act I. — Stephen's room. Deputation of bill collectors. 
Escape of Stephen. Refuses to join fraternity. Interference 
with freshman banquet. Kidnappers arrive. Stephen and 
Chester bound, gagged and carried off. 

Act II. — Psi Nu frat room. Four days later. Police baffled. 
No trace of the kidnapped. Where are they and how can we 
find them? Stephen's father arrives. All start out on search. 
Burglars tell of their discovery in house previously visited. 
The kidnapped stolen. Stephen in the chimney. More bill 
collectors. Mabel and Gertie to the rescue. Stephen again 
stolen. 

Act III. — Same as Act I. Reappearance of Stephen. 
Locked in closet. Flight of Bill and Mickey. Why Mrs. 
McNuLTY always tried the closet door. Stephen rescued. 
Mabel's ruse. All surprised. How Mabel and Stephen took 
matters in their own hands. 

COSTUMES AND CHARACTERISTICS. 

Stephen Crawford. About 21, freshman, president of his 
class and hence a man of the world. In college for the sake 
of the activities outside of it. Norfolk suit of a vibrant style, 
chocolate colored shoes, collar a la mode, neck-tie like a 
stained glass window gone mad. 

Alonzo Crawford. About 45, a business man of emphatic 
type. As fond of his son as if he had won him in a business 
deal. Black cutaway suit, iron gray trousers, square derby, 
red bandanna handkerchief. 

Chester Elliott. A freshman, about 19. College holds no 
terrors for him. Costume similar to Stephen's. 

Mickey Sweeney. About 25. A burglar, rather gabby. 
Gray shirt, black cap, utterly disreputable suit such as is 
given to the deserving poor, broken shoes and gray spats. 
Chef's cap and apron. 

Bill Goggins. About 26, Mickey's partner, with more of 
the taciturn air of the power behind the throne. Costumes 
similar to Mickey's, no spats, dancing pumps. Chef's cap and 
apron. 

Abie Kirschbaum. About 40, practical philanthropist and 
helper of the deserving, when it pays. Urbane and always 



Harry Thompson 
Jack Phillips 
Jimmy Flack 
Tommy Swift 

J 



The Kidnapped Freshman. 5 

open for business. Purple suit, yellow vest with red dots 
like scarlet fever, derby hat. 

Sophomores. Dark suits and soft hats. 

Young students. Any clothes likely to 
attract attention — exaggerated pockets, 
^ large cuffs on sleeves and trousers, low 
shoes, raidant socks, trousers cut high to 
display them. 

Alfred Cutting. About 21. Get-up strongly individual- 
drab suit badly in need of pressing, soft collar and shirt, flow- 
ing black tie resembling a piece of crepe. 

Paul Eansom. About 20. Dandified costume— neat blue 
suit, olive green neck-tie, soft hat with flaring brim, silk socks, 
patent leather pumps, yellow gloves. 

Mrs. Ransom. About 45. A lady of weak amiability, well 
aware of her ow^n existence. Dark dress with plenty of black 
beads. Bugles in ears. Over-trimmed hat. Traveling coat. 

Mabel Ransom. About 18. Pretty and sprightly. Dress must 
be white and suitable to a girl of her age. Light traveling 
coat and hat, in good taste. 

Mrs. McNulty. A widow about 40. Lets rooms to students 
for the sake of her daughter. Gray skirt and black silk 
waist. In Acts II and III she w^ears a drab coat that is too 
small and a hat that has lost ambition. 

Gertie McNulty. About 17. Impressionable, and having 
red hair, if desired. Blue skirt and white waist. Bristles with 
red ribbons. 

Other College Students. Suitable costumes. For watch 
fobs, many of them wear baggage checks with their class 
numerals. 

INCIDENTAL PROPERTIES. 

Shade on alcove window. Pillows on cots. Pair of pajamas 
and tw^o shirts on Morris chair. Electric student-lamp on 
each desk. Drawing-board with paper thumb-tacked on it. 
Writing paper, ruler, pen, kniee, bottle of red ink and bottle 
of black ink on desk l. Waste basket under desk l. Keys in 
closet and room doors. Three handkerchiefs, socks, shirts, 
tie and clean collar in dresser drawer. Suit-case, several 
suits, overcoats, wilted collar, two flowered bath-robes, etc., 
in closet. Loose brick in fire-place. Telephone ofe stage. 
Portable oil lamp for student. Bell off stage. Caps and hats 
on hat-rack in hall. Two long ropes and two large handker- 



6 The Kidnapped Freshman. 

chiefs for sophomore for gagging Stephen and Chester. 
Large roll of money for Abie. Revolver and large apple for 
Jimmy Flack. Revolver for a student. Fountain pen and 
check-book for Mr. Crawford. Tray with glass of milk and 
crackers for Paul. Chef's cap and apron, jimmy, pocket knife, 
black jack and partly eaten apple for Mickey. Dark lantern 
(or electric torch), knife, large dish towel, chef's cap and 
apron for Bill. 

STAGE DIRECTIONS. 

As seen by a performer on the stage facing the audience, b., 
means right hand; l., left hand; c, center of stage, l. c, 
left of center; r. d., door at right; l. d., door at left. Up, 
means toward back of stage; down, toward footlights. 



The Kidnapped Freshman. 



ACT I. 



SCENE. — Typical students' room occupied hy Stephen Craw- 
ford and Chester Elliott. Evening ; lamps are lit. Door 
E. in rear flat. Dresser up c. Alcove with tivo cots up l., 
behind them a ivindow. Pilloivs, bedding, etc., on cot. 
Shade on ivindotv. Clothes closet l. c. tvith key in door. 
Several suits and other wearing apparel seen hanging in 
closet. Desk down r. witJi books and papers. Another 
desk down l. on which there are engineer's designs, writing 
material, bottle of red ink, books, papers, etc. Waste 
basket under desk l. Morris chair with pajamas and 
shirts flung on it near desk l. Other chairs, etc., about 
room. Carpet or rugs on floor. College banners and 
decorations in the usual student's taste. The rear drop 
may be flat and extend across the stage, provided it has a 
door and a tvindow icith ttco cots placed against it. 
DISCOVERED Chester Elliott icorking at an engineer- 
ing design at desk l. Stephen Crawford rushes in r. d. 
looking back as though being pursued; runs over to closet, 
goes inside and closes door. 
Chester (going to closet). Bill collectors again, Steve? 
Stephen (through door). Of course. 
Chester. How many this time? 

Stephen. Oh, half a dozen or so, Ches. Didn't stop to 
count. 

Chester (locks closet and sticks key in shoe. Goes to e. d. 
and locks that also. Returns to desk. Sharp knocking heard 
at E. d. Shouting). Why the devil are you making all that 
noise? Go away and stop bothering me. 

Mrs. McNulty (off stage). How dare you talk like that to 
your landlady? It's Mrs. McNulty! 

7 



S The Kidnapped Freshman. 

Chester starts and then grins sardonically. Goes to door and 
unlocks it. ENTER Mrs. McNulty e. d. 

Chester. Beg pardon, Mrs. McNulty— thought you were 
someone else — several persons, in fact, 

Mrs. McNulty (truculently). You'd better beg my pardon. 
I've stood enough from you two, with all the rent you owe. 
Where's Mr. Crawford? 

Chester. I'm acting as his secretary just now. Wish to see 
him about anything? 

Mrs. McNulty. / don't — but some gentlemen friends in the 
parlor do. They've come a-callin' again to get him to be 
generous to his creditors. I s'pose they'll get as much satisfac- 
tion as I do. 

Chester. You should wish your fellow-beings better luck, 
Mrs. McNulty. 

Mrs. McNulty (vindictively). Maybe they'll get it. They 
say if they have to, they'll come up here and grab him — and I 
hope they do. Where is he? 

Chester. What would you say if he'd gone out the window? 
(Points) 

Mrs. McNulty. Well, of all the impertinence ! I s'pose the 
two of you'll be beatin' your rent that way some night! 
(Going to window) I've a good mind to nail it up and put a 
grating across! 

Chester (sitting at desk). If you did, of course, we should 
feel in duty bound to notify the building department that this 
room was a fire trap. Then we should leave your house — and 
you couldn't hold us for our rent! 

Mrs. McNulty (coming forioard wrathily). That's about 
enough impudence; I've stood your cheek as long as a good 
landlady should. The freshmen in college this year are the 
nerviest lot I ever saw, and you two beat them all, especially 
Mr. Crawford — and him their president, and as good as engaged 
to my Gertie. 

Chester. He's not so bad as all that. 

Mrs. McNulty (emphatically). I say he is goin' to be en- 
gaged to my Gertie ! That's why I take a mother's interest in 
his goin's on. Not studyin', nor payin' his bills and rent. If he 
don't pay me his rent now, how do you s'pose he'll treat me as 
his mother-in-law? I'd just like to speak to his father. Lemme 
tell you, if you two don't pay your rent in a couple of days, 
I'll get the sheriff after you! (Bounces to r. d.) 
Chester (siveetly). You'll tell the financial delegation not to 



The Kidnapped Freshman. 9 

waste time waiting? (Mrs. McNulty goes out slamming the 
door) Thanks! (Chester goes toward closet and stoops to 
take hey out of shoe. Straightens up ivith a jerk as Gertie 
ENTERS breathlessly r. d.) 

Gertie. Oh, Ches, where's Steve? Mommer's in such a 
temper over him — and those men outside won't go away. 

Chester, Oh — ah — yes — Steve. Didn't your motlier tell you 
he'd left for a while? 

Gertie. Yes, but I want to know where he is. 

Chester. Why, Gertie, owe you anything? 

Gertie. Yes — a little talk. I'd like to tell him he ought to 
reform. I don't think his reckless ways are fair to me, because 
I'm his — his friend. And he hasn't been acting nice at all to 
me lately — doesn't seem to know I'm still in the house. 

Chester {going to desk). I'm afraid I can't tell you where 
he is. He left no directions where I should forward his mail — 
didn't have time. 

Gertie (going toiuard r. d.). Well, just tell him when he's 
back that if he treats, me same's old times, I'll see if I can't 
make mommer give him more time for his rent. ( EXIT, closing 
door. Chester goes to alcove ivindow and looks out, then steals 
to R. D. He softly opens it a crack, hends over to peer through, 
and flings it ivide. Abie Kirschbaum is disclosed in the hall 
ivith his eye at the height of the key-hole, and the two almost 
rub noses) 

Abie (straightening up with an ingratiating smile). Caught 
you at it I What a choke we should bot' do der same t'ing! 
I wass lookin' to see if dere wass anyone in der room, so I 
should knock politely to come in. 

Chester (almost stunned dy such coolness). Well — what are 
you after? 

Abie (taking sidelong glances around the room as he pushes 
in ) . Nottings — nottings. You mistake me. Have I said I wass 
after anyt'ing? No. I leave it to you. I am chust here as a 
deputation from some chentlemen dot are wearin' out der 
furniture in der parlor. If you don't like it, blame dem. 

Chester. Well, what can I blame them for? 

Abie (eagerly). Dey chust want to know if Mr. Crowfoot 
can spare dem a little of his money. Times ain't so good as dey 
wass. 

Chester. Tell them he would, only he isn't here. 

Abie. Is dot so? Well, well. (Lotcering his voice and lean- 
ing close to Chester, confidentially) If he coult make himself 



10 The Kidnapped Freshman. 

appear before me and settle my account — chust a leetle one — 
maybe I coult tell de oders dot he wasn't here, Hein? 

Chester (raising his voice). I say he isn't here. Do you 
want me to show you? Come! (He accompanies Abie on a 
march around room and into alcove, pointing under beds and 
Morris chair, etc.) You see. He won't be on hand for some 
time. 

Abie {shaking his head). Well, well. You ain't willing 
to pay any of it yourself? Of course you coult easy get it 
from him afterwards. 

Chester. No — times ain't so good as they was. 

Abie. Y'ain't short yourself? I coult advance you a leetle — 
{Pulling out big roll of money) 

Chester (pulling him gently hut firmly toivard door). Steve 
does all the borrowing for this suite. 

Abie (going tbioard r. d.). Well, if you ever need it, don't 
forget your old friend Abe Kirschbaum. Lowest rates on der 
hill. (Hands card to Chester) [EXIT r. d. 

Chester (closes r. d. quickly, takes deep breath and throws 
card in waste basket. Listens a moment at r. d., then tiptoes 
to alcove window and looks out cautiously; steals to closet door 
and unlocks it). Say, Steve, if you're not dead, you might like 
to know that they're gone. 

Stephen (staggering out). I'm nearly gone too. Where's 
some air? (Gasping) Came near being smothered by all those 
suits I haven't paid for. Almost wished I hadn't been so 
extravagant. I'd like to have had all the oxygen the widow 
McNulty was using. 

Chester (earnestly). Say, Steve, you'd better let things drop 
with her daughter. You heard her say she considers you 
engaged? 

Stephen (taking off wilted collar and putting on clean one at 
dresser). Nothing but a rumor. 

Chester. 8he doesn't think so. You'll get yourself in 
trouble. If she finds you're fooling, she'll get breach of promise 
damages — by taking you to court for her rent. And if your old 
man hears of it — and Mabel Ransom. 

Stephen (wrestling with tie). Oh, I won't let it get too 
far — trust an old hand like me, Ches, Mabel needn't hear of it, 

Chester. That's just why she will. 

ENTER Paul Ransom r. d. 
Paul. Ah there, boys. 



The Kidnapped Freshman, 11 

Stephen. ),.,.,, ^ , 

CHESTEE. [ H^""' *^«°'- 

Stephen. Frosh, show the soph to a chair. 

Chestee. Certainly, frosh. {Pointing to Morris chair with 
shirts and pajamas on it) Will you honor lower yourself to 
that? Steve's shirts are very soft. 

Paul. Thanks — I'll sit on my own shirt. (Sweeps pajamas 
and shit^ts into Chester's waste basket) 

Chester (rising). I'll go see how the arrangements are 
coming along for the f ro^h banquet next week. ( Goes totvards 

R. D.) 

Paul. Not going on my account, old man? 

Chester. On my own account, old man. I couldn't exist long 
in the rarefied atmosphere of a sophomore. (Paul throws the 
toast e basket at him and grabs, the red ink from desk as 
Chester EXITS quickly r. d.) 

Stephen (stopping Paul's hand). Don't throw the red ink — 
it wouldn't help his complexion. (Puts bottle back on desk) 

Paul. Room-mate's pretty fresh. How do you manage to 
keep from massacring him? 

Stephen. Guess I'm fresh too. 

Paul. He's got maudlin leanings toward Beta Theta Lambda, 
hasn't he? 

Stephen (smiling). Maybe — that why he's fresh? (Starts 
picking up waste basket, putting aivay shirts and pajamas in 
alcove room) 

Paul. Tried to bunco you into joining them? 

Stephen. No use if he does. No use your trying to get me 
into Psi Nu either, if that's why you came. I won't join. 

Paul. But, Steve, you haven't given Psi Nu the thorough 
consideration one would expect from a man of your powers. 

Stephen (smiling). Have so. 

Paul. I say you haven't — I ought to know. A fine bunch 
of fellows at Psi Nu — good house — good times — what more 
could a mere mortal ask? We want men like you. Here you 
w^ere practically unheard of, and yet you became frosh 
president. You're beginning to show up good. What college 
honor couldn't you get, if you had us back of you? 

Stephen. I tell you, Paul, you're wasting eloquence. 

Paul. Why? 

Stephen. I haven't got the money, as I've told you before. 
Been running up too many bills. If my old man ever hears 
of them he'll yank me out of college and set me on an office 
stool. He certainly wouldn't approve of all the social fuss 



13 The Kidnapped Freshman. 

and feathers in a frat. He sent me here to get a little 
knowledge — Heaven help me. 

Paul. We can also help you to it. ( Stephen makes a gesture 
as though Crushing the offer aside) But, Steve, Mabel will be 
up to the house often — she and mother'U be here in a couple 
of days to see me in the play. {Pause) 

Stephen. Well — I'm listening, 

Paul. Well, all the fellows at the house will meet her. 
Do you want to be out of it? 

Stephen {with patient resignation). I'm sorry, but she 
won't be able to wear my frat pin. She'll have to wear 
yours. I can see her up here anyway. 

Paul {nettled). Now I know that bumptious room-mate has 
been slandering us before you. 

Stephen {coming nearer). Paul, if you say another word 
about fraternities I'll grab you by the necktie and drag you 
out. 

Paul {rising nonchalantly). I guess I'd better leave before 
you injure me in a vital spot. {At the door) Remember, when 
Mabel comes up, drop around and have a look at her. Bye- 
bye. * [EXIT E. D. 

Stephen, So long. {Sits down at his desk e. and arranges 
hooks and papers. Chestee pokes his head in e. d. and looks 
cautiously around) 

Chestee. He's gone? 

Stephen. That was my impression. 

ENTER Chestee e. d. 

Chestee. Did he get his clutches on you? 

Stephen. No. {Slamming down hook) Doggone it, I'd like 
to join his confounded old frat — d'you hear me, but I've got 
to refuse for the sake of my father's temper. 

Chestee {going to desk). Life might be different with the 
Beta Theta Lambda. There were a couple of the Lambs around 
to-day, and 

Stephen {grinning). No good, young feller — I see through 
your nefarious designs. To change the subject, how was the 
frosh banquet committee? 

Chestee. All right — but there's something else that isn't. 

Stephen. What? 

Chestee. I heard there that the sophs have their hooks out 
for us. So we'd better lock our doors when we go to bed. 

Stephen. Ches, if we'd paid any attention to such reports 
before, we'd have broken into jail as the only safe place. {Ris- 



The Kidnapped Freshman. 13 

ing and going to closet) But that reminds me — must keep up 
the grand old tradition of locking our closet door. If our 
landlady takes a suit for her vent— (Puts hand on key, hut drops 
it and turns as ENTER b. d. eight stalwart figures, clad in dark 
suits and ivith hats drawn low over their faces. They shut the 
door) Ah! Bill collectors? 

Spokesman. No — we've come to collect you. We've got you 
now, frosh. Guess the freshmen won't be so perky after the 
little vacation we're going to give you. 

Stephen. The devil you will, you damned sophs! (Hurls 
hooks at them and attempts to charge past. One sophomore 
dives down, cratvls quickly around him, and seizes him from, 
the rear. Others grasp and choke him, while he struggles 
furiously. Chester jumps for the toindow, hut others leap 
after and pull Mm hack) 

Sophomore. We'll take you too. Guess there's room for you 
in the buggy. 

Spokesman {standing to one side and directing assistants in 
a loiv voice). Remember, Yets, no gouging! (Grunts and 
swear-words) Come, this will never do, put more life in it. 
Here, you Ags, put your hands over his nose like a cow. Con- 
found it, no science! Hey, Medie, where's your anatomy? 
Wallop him where it will do the most good! (All go doivn 
in a heap) 

Mes. McNulty (oft stage). Stop that sky-larking. 

Spokesman (starting). Ah — yes'm ! (Locking door) It's 
Stopped. Just a football game. (Loudly to writhing, kicking 
group on floor) Down! (In loiver tone) Here's the ropes. 
(Starts to t?niss up Stephen tvith ropes) 

Sophomore (from the ruins). Hey, you darn fool, you're 
tying up my leg ! 

Spokesman. Oh, excuse me. (Changes rope) 

Another Voice. Now you got mine ! 

Spokesman (loudly). Confound it, don't make so much 
noise over trifles. (A sophomore separates himself from the 
mass and together they quickly hind Stephen's arms and legs 
and gag him. The other's rise. Those who have tackled 
Chester have succeeded also in fettering him. All stand pant- 
ing, loudest of all the Spokesman) A couple of you throw some 
things into a suit-case for them. Don't mind if the socks aren't 
mates. (Tivo drag out a suit-case from the closet and start 
hurling articles in it) 

Sophomore. Now how the deuce you goin' to get them out 
of here without gettin' caught? Thought there wasn't to be any 



14 The Kidnapped Freshman. 

row — and here we've stirred up the landlady and maybe a 
million more. {All stop and stare in disgusted quandary at 
Spokesman ) 

Second Sophomoee. Well, I'll be flabbergasted ! 

Spokesman (wiping forehead with hand). Phew! I really 
hadn't expected this, (Looks around in dilemma) 

Sophomoee. Well, what you goin' to do about it — after 
makin' us get ourselves all bunged up? 

Spokesman (pauses a moment — suddenly). Ah, I know. 
Get their bath-robes and put them on 'em! (Sophomores 
hustle very flowery hath-robes out of closet and throw them 
over two prisoners without putting arms in sleeves, moving leg 
hands nearer the knees so as to be hidden. Meamohile Spokes- 
man takes three handkerchiefs from dresser and pours blots 
of red ink on them from bottle on Chester's desk) 

Spokesman {tying handkerchiefs around Chester's jaw, and 
Stephen's head and chin). Now then! Carry 'em to the 
buggy quietly. If you're asked, say they've been injured in a 
foot-ball game here and are going to the hospital. And if any- 
one gets too noisy about it, poke him in the nose — unless it's 
the prexy ! (EXEUNT all R. d. carrying Stephen and Chester 
as though wounded) 



CURTAIN. 
ACT II. 



SCENE. — Parlor of Psi Nu Fraternity. Four days later. Even- 
ing; lamps lit. R. c. an old-fashioned fire-place with irons 
and logs. At r. rear, large open doorway through ivhich in 
the hall is seen a hat-rack clustered with caps. Those 
supposedly coming from the hall door come through the 
doorway from, the right, those coming from upstairs from 
the left. Telephone in hall. At rear center, a lounge. 
Upright piano up l. corner. Door l. Table in c. 
Magazines, etc., on table. Chairs, decorations, electric 
lamps, etc. DISCOVERED a dozen students, (more or 
less to suit taste) seated or walking about the room, with 
one lowering the fire insurance rate on the piano. James 
Flack on lounge gorging a huge apple. Harry Thompson 
comes into hall at r. hangs hat on rack and ENTERS room. 
Piano stops and all look at Harry. 



The Kidnapped Freshman. 15 

Jack. Any news of the lost ones, Harry? 
Harry (sitting). Not a mouthful, Jack. Chief Brown admits 
the police are as far away from finding them as they were 
four days ago. Can't trace them, though they ought to have 
been as conspicuous as Mohammedans with those bandages. 
Says he's suspected everybody, but it does no good. 

Alfred (dolefully). Lost, strayed or stolen — a perfectly 
good candidate for our frat. 

Harry. What I can't see is, why didn't we Psi Nus grab 
Crawford in the start? Back home Paul knew him well, and 
he should have given us advance information that Crawford 
was a born member of our frat. It was clear neglect of duty 
by Paul. 

Alfred. I must contradict you, Harry. Who could tell 
that Crawford was going to bust into a sky-rocket the way he 
has? 

Jack (going and standing in front of fire-place). What we 
should have done doesn't matter any more than a tailor's bill. 
The question is, will anything be done about it now by this 
select collection of brains? 

Alfred (rising forcefully). Yes! 
Jack. What? 

Alfred (lifting his fist). Get him! 

Jack (witheringly) . Thanks for the suggestion, Alf, Tell 
it to the police. Since you seem to know so much about it, 
perhaps you'll tell us where? 

Alfred. Haven't I told you where till I feel like a train 
announcer ? 
Harry. You mean Beta Theta Lambda? 
Alfred. Where else? (All snicker) 
Jack. Calm yourself, mister, calm yourself. 
Alfred (groiving excited). I won't calm myself. You may 
laugh — prophets have always been laughed at until it's found 
they've picked the best bets. I say again, those fellows have 
been gathered in by Beta Theta Lambda. Haven't some of the 
Betas been hanging around here the last couple of days, 
spying on us so we woudn't spy on them? 

Jack. That proves nothing. I've noticed some freshmen 
standing shyly on one leg in the middle distance, as if they 
wanted to be asked in. 

Alfred (crushingly) . A blind. Beta Theta got them to do 
it, so their own men wouldn't look suspicious. 

Harry. But Chester Elliott's missing too — and he's friendly 
to Beta Theta. 



16 The Kidnapped Freshman. 

Alfeed. Another blind. All the time he's probably hypnotiz- 
ing Crawford into the frat. We've got to rescue him. 

Jack. In other words, steal him? (Alfred nods) Well, I 
don't know 

Alfred {thundering). I do know. If they've stolen him 
from us, why shouldn't we steal him from them? We should 
trail them to find where he's in exile. If we can't get him 
that way, we should go to them in a body and demand him — 
if only from humanitarian motives. {Waving Ms arms and 
warming up) We ought to demand his release as an American 
citizen and a free college student, whom professors even can't 
imprison! {Lights go out and everybody yells) 

Voices {off stage shouting). "Lights! Lights! Turn on 
the lights ! " 

Harry. There go those blamed lights again. 

Jack. Cheapens the bills, anyhow. 

Flack. Who stole my apple? {Sounds of a scuffle in the 
darkness. The lights suddenly go. up again — everyone says 
"■Ah!"" Alfred is revealed still standing, his urms poised in a 
dramatic position and his mouth open undramatically. Flack 
is struggling vjith others on the lounge over his apple. It is 
throivn under the lounge, he dives lyeneath and rescues it) 

Jack. You can talk again, Alfred, we can see your arms 
now. 

Alfred {flatly). Well, my idea is that we get busy and 
start things moving. {Bits down lamely) 

Harry. But where'U he get the doubloons with which to join 
us, with all the debts Paul's told us about? 

Alfred. Hasn't his father offered a reward of one thousand 
dollars? And if we produce the son 

ENTER at doortvay Paul, Mrs. Ransom, Mabel Ransom and 
Mr. Alonzo Crawford. 

Paul. Fellows, let me introduce my mother and sister 
Mabel. (All bow) And this is Mr. Alonzo Crawford, Stephen's 
father. Captured him down at the station with my folks. 

Harry. Mr. Crawford's come up to recover his son? 

Paul. Yes — we thought we'd all come here as a sort of base 
of operations. (All sit) 

Mr. Crawford. Any of you know where my son is? Tell 
me, what person has taken my son, who never did a mean 
thing all the time I've known him? Boys — gentlemen — I 
appeal to you as his friends. Where the devil is he? I am 



The Kidnapped Freshman. 17 

willing to pay as high as two thousand dollars for his return — - 
cash on delivery. He is worth all of that to me. Where is he? 

Jack. I'm sorry we haven't got that two thousand dollars' 
worth of information. 

Mabel. Oh, dear. 

Alfbed (stepping forward). But here's our chance to find 
out where he is. 

Mabei. {eagerly). Oh, is there a way to find out? I'd be 
ever so much obliged to you if you would. 

Haery. But how is this our chance? 

Mr. Crawford. Yes — how? Speak up! 

Alfred. If we take Mr. Crawford with us to the Beta Theta 
Lambda house, he'll reinforce our demand for Stephen. Even 
a depraved crowd like the Beta Thetas won't dare keep a son 
from his rightful father. 

Mabel. What, is another fraternity holding him — maybe 
torturing him with an initiation every day? 

Mr. Crawford {jamming on his hat and starting totvard 
doorway). I'll get after them right away. {Stopping at door- 
ivay) Er — where are they? 

Alfred {following). I'll escort you. 

Mabel. You'll escort me too, won't you? {Goes toiva/i'd 
doorway) 

Mrs. Ransom {horrified). Mabel! Stop and think what 
you've said. At night — when you don't even know where the 
hotel is. 

Mr. Crawford. Mrs. Ransom, let her come — I don't mind. 

Mrs. Ransom. Let me think it over. 

Alfred {getting hat from rack and turning at doortcay). 
Any you fellows coming on the raid? {As the Students look at 
each other dubiously, lights go out. Screams from Mrs. 
Ransom ) 

Mrs. Ransom. Mabel, we won't stay here another instant. 

Mabel. All right, mother. We'll go with Mr. Crawford. 

Mrs. Ransom. No, no ! Paul, Paul I 

Paul. Nobody's gone off with me. It's all right, mother — a 
dynamo just got tired. {Shouts outside of " Lights! Lights!^') 
Hey, you numskulls, haven't you ever heard of oil lamps? 
{Sounds of Students going out) [EXIT several Students l. d. 

Mrs. Ransom. Paul, take me to our hotel at once. Mabel, 
you won't desert your mother at this moment? 

Mabel {disappointed). No, I won't — bother it! (Paul, 
Mabel and Mrs. Ransom EXEUNT as a couple of Students 



18 The Kidnapped Freshman. 

ENTER L. D. with a portahle oil-lamp, which they set on center 
table) 

Alfred (with Me. Crawfoed at doorway). You fellows 
coming now? Better do something instead of being cooped 
up in this dark house. It'll be as cheerful as a Pullman 
sleeper when the lights are turned off and the snores are turned 
on. 

Jack (hastily). All right, we'll come — to be sociable. 
Harry, you, Ed. and Jim better stay and keep house. (The 
marooned ones groan) 

[EXEUNT all others doorway, getting hats from rack. 

Haery (surveying room gloomily). I might enjoy this place 
better if I were dead. (Taking up lamp) Come on, this light 
will just fit my cosy little boudoir. (EXEUNT Harry, Flack, 
Jim and Ed. doortvay. Harry with light pauses in hall to left 
of doorway) 

Harry (off stage). Hello — give me 726 — J Hello — 

Light and Power Company? When're you going to give 

us back our lights? When it pleases Providence! Say, 

don't you get sassy with me! Tt you don't give us that 
electricity soon, we won't pay our bill for two months ago. 
(Sounds of receiver being slammed down. Light withdraws, 
leaving stage in darkness) 

ENTER very softly l. d. Bill Goggins carrying a dark lantern 
which he flashes about the room, and Mickey Sweeney 
who stumbles and falls heavily. Mickey carries a small 
jimmy. 

Bill (in angry whisper). Mickey, you mug, ain't you old 
enough ter be trusted wit' feet? 

Mickey (resentfully) . How was I ter know dey'd be leavin' 
apples on deir parlor floor? I didn't know it was de style. 
(Lamp held aloft above Harry's head suddenly gleams in 
doorway. Flack and Student beside him carrying revolvers. 
Bill and Mickey l. d.) 

ENTER Harry, Flack and Student doorway. 

Harry (commandingly) . Stop! We'll shoot! (Bill and 
Mickey stop sloivly and turn back) 

Mickey (throiving down jimmy in disgust). Well, if dat 
ain't de darndest luck! Dished twicet in one night! Say 
Bill, let's give up burglary fer politics. 



The Kidnapped Freshman. 19 

Harry (setting lamp on center table). I imagine you will 
be working for the state during the next four years. Come 
nearer the light and let's see who flattered us by thinking we 
were worth robbing. (In the dim light the burglars approach 
while the two Students take post at the two entrances) I see 
you haven't got anything from us. You don't appear to be very 
skillful. 

Bill. Young feller, don't make us feel any wuss'n we do. 
(Mickey makes a quick move as though to pull out a iveapon) 

Harry. Hands up! Jimmy, ought to have thought of that 
before. (As both put up their hands Harry searches them. 
Takes from Mickey's pockets a knife, a black-jack and a large, 
partly eaten apple. Looking at apple near lamp) H'm ! Looks 
mighty like Flack's apple. (Bowing to Mickey) Excuse me — 
you did get some swag. But you said you were dished twice 
to-night. How was that? (Bill and Mickey hang their heads. 
Harry continues search) Come, come, don't be bashful. Tell 
us. 

Mickey. It don't show us up good. (His hands begin to sag, 
but they shoot up again at a warning wave of revolver held by 
Flack ) 

Harry (searching Bill and finding knife). I never knew 
before that burglars crave to be shown up good. Go ahead, 
tell us. Want to be coaxed, like company? (Finishing search) 
You may haul in your paws now. 

Mickey (icith sigh of relief). T'anks, young feller. Just 
fer dat I'll tell youse. We was walkin' past a house couple o' 
blocks away when de lights all blew out. We dunno much 
about dis tov>m, but we decides we'll take a chancet on de house. 
So we shins up a tree to a top-story window, and slides into a 
store-room. We was crawlin' t'rough as nice as yer please 
when all of a suddent Bill's lamp shines behint a stack o' 
furniter. It hits two of de awfulest faces yer ever seen. Clean 
gives us de creeps, dey did. Right away we done a creep down 
de tree, and den made a scoot fer dis place. 

Harry (growing excited). What were they like? 

Mickey (shuddering). Like — like livin' corpses — mummies. 
Dey seemed all bent up like and covered wit' wall-paper. 
Eyes a-poppin' and a'poppin' — but not a squeak out o' dem — 
'nd faces all held togedder wit' bandages. 

Harry (jubilantly). Good! Good! It's them all right! 
(Jigs) 

Flack. What poor devils are you crowing over? 

Harry. Crawford and Elliott. 



20 The Kidnapped Freshman. 

Flack. But Beta Theta is more than a couple of blocks 
away. 

Harey. Hang Beta Theta ! It's them, and they've been right 
under our noses. No wonder the police didn't discover anything 
but a lot of clues. (To burglars) Here, lend me your tin ears° 
Take us to that house, help us lug those men here, and we'll 
let bygones be bygones. 

Mickey (scornfully). Say, young feller, I fought youse had 
sense. I may be a burglar, but t'ank Heaven I ain't so low as 
ter steal de dead ! Dey's no money in it. 

Haeey. They're not dead, only imprisoned — the way you'll be 
if you don't lend us a helping hand. (Burglars hesitate a 
moment) 

Bill. All right, we'll take de contract, as a special favor. 
(All start toivard l. d.) 

Harey. Flack, give me your revolver. You stay behind — 
the fewer -the better. Be ready for us, and whisper it to the 
others. [EXEUNT All excepting Flack, l. d. 

ENTER E. doorway Tommy Swift and two underdone 
Freshmen. 

Flack (returns to c. of room. Lights go up). What's the 
surprise party, Tommy? 

Tommy. When I was following the bunch I overheard those 
frosh saying they were going to swoop down here. So I came 
to help along with any trouble — they seem to want something. 

First Feosh (rather plaintively). We want our president. 
The banquet won't be any fun without him. 

Flack. And why do you think we can supply him for your 
banquet? 

FiEST Frosh. A frosh saw a couple of men come here a few 
minutes ago, and it looked suspicious. 

Flack (with a superior wave of the hand). You can chase 
along. We haven't got your president in stock. 

First Frosh. I think you have. 

Flack. Don't think — let the professors do that for you. 
(Pointing to doorivay) Git! 

Freshmen. No ! 

Flack and Tommy (bucking them). Yes ! (They give f fresh- 
men rush through doorway) 

Tommy (returning to room). Should have sent them to 
pester Beta Theta Labda. 

Flack. No, they guessed right. 



The Kidnapped Freshman, 21 

Tommy. What, Crawford's here? 

Flack, No, hnt lie will be. (As l, d. openfi) Here's the 
relief party. 

ENTER Stephen helped in hy Bill, Mickey, Harry and 
student, the latter still carrying revolvers. Stephen's 
ropes are off hut bandages remain around his head. They 
set Stephen hurriedly on lounge and pull off dath-robe 
and bandages, disclosing a large red stain on his cheek 
from the ink. 

Stephen {rubbing himself vigorously). I only wish I were 
French so I could embrace you all! Where's Ches? 

Harry. We turned him loose. 

Flack. You chump. Now he'll bring the Beta Theta crowd 
here. 

Student. And we ought to have grabbed that frosh we saw 
scurrying through the bushes. 

Harry (ivith deprecating hand). Now, now — don't reminesce 
about the past. Let's tackle the burning question of the 
moment. What are we going to do with our prize? 

Stephen {rising in surprise). Why, you're going to replace 
me at 63A Thurston avenue, aren't you? 

Harry, I guess you won't go back to 63A Thurston avenue 
for some time — maybe never. 

Stephen. Never ? 

Harry. We'll just invite you to stay here until you're 
initiated — as a sort of command performance. 

Stephen {protestingly) . But I haven't the price of admis- 
sion! 

Flack. Mr. Freshman, you have a higher market value than 
you think. 

Stephen. G'wan ! 

Flack. Your father's just offered a reward of two thousand 
dollars for your return. 

Bill {pointing). What — fer him? 

Stephen {with hauteur). Don't you believe I'm worth it? 

Bill. Oh, Mickey, to t'ink dat we run away from two 
t'ousand dollars! {They condole with each other) 

Stephen. How does the two thousand let me past the door- 
keeper ? 

Harry. We get it for turning you up. (Burglars look at 
him) We pay your debts and frat expenses. Anything left 
over we can use — that old chimney needs fixing. We can put 



22 The Kidnapped Freshman. 

up a brass plate that it was repaired through your generosity. 
Got any objection now to associating with us? 

Stephen (scratching head). Can't think of any at the 
moment. 

Haeby. We'll tuck you away here so nobody else will form 
a violent attachment to you. (Long ring of hell off stage) 
There's the door-bell! (All turn fearfully in direction of 
doorway ) 

Flack (creeps to entrance and peers cautiously out toward 
right. He steals back to others. In a loud whisper). Abie 
Kirschbaum — and I'll bet the others are bill collectors! 
(Students are panic-stricken) 

Harky (to Stephen). Get up the chimney! 

Stephen. What ! 

Harby (running to chimney, followed hy others except Bill 
and Mickey). See, you can get on these projecting bricks and 
hang on for all you're worth ! 

Flack. Are they loose? 

Harry. Not very. 

Stephen. Not very ! 

Flack. If you fall, you won't fall far. 

Stephen. If I fall ! Say, what do you fellows take me for — 
a mountain climber? You don't catch me doing any gymnastics 
up your chimney. 

Harry. Listen to reason. It's the best we can do in the time 
allowed. We'll shift you later. (Banging on door and vigor- 
ous ringing of hell) Do you want those bills collectors to get 
the reward, and squeeze out their bills besides? 

Stephen (running to chimney). Anything to beat those 
collectors. Boost away! (All Students hoost him up chimney 
with hands and hacks. Bill and Mickey stand aside up c. 
They put their heads together and point toward Stephen as he 
disappears. Harry sees them) 

Harry (pointing to Bill and Mickey). Flack, take them into 
the kitchen and have 'em act like chefs, if it costs all our 
crockery. ( EXEUNT Flack, Bill and Mickey l. d. Bell rings 
again. Harry throws himself into a chair) Now for mercy's 
sake look natural. (One Student throios himself into seat 
and takes up magazine, ichile second Student goes through 
doorway ) 

ENTER B. D. second Student with Abie Kirschbaum and four 
Collectobs. 



The Kidnapped Freshman, 23 

Abie (suavely). Hope we don't dislocate you, but a freshman 
dot I was visitin' said Stephen Crowfoot wass here. So I 
invited der boys around to pay him a little call. 

Haery (coldly). I'm afraid you won't be paid anything in 
return. He's not among us. 

Abie (shoking his head). Well, well. But we can look der 
house up, ain't it? 

Harry (rising with forced anger). By what right do you 
invade this house? 

Abie (tvith spirit). By what right do you keep him here? 

Harry (stormily). He isn't here ! 

Abie. Den it won't hurt if we look around ! (Siilsiding with 
an ingratiating smile). If you let us look, I'll charge only 
free per cent any time you ask. 

Harry (turning gruffly to other Students). Show them 
around upstairs. 

Abie (smiling). And I'll stay down here and have der 
pleasure of your company. (Harry makes a gesture of vexa- 
tion. EXEUNT all except Abie and Harry, Abie points to 
bandages and hath-robe on lounge) Why are dose dere? 

Harry (starting). Oh — er — because — because of an initia- 
tion! (Abie starts to look under lounge. A broken brick falls 
into fire-place) 

Abie (straightening with a jerk). What's dot? 

Harry (gulping). Sparrows. 

Abie. Sparrows ! 

Harry. Robins, maybe. 

Abie (going toward fire-place). I'd like to see robins dot 
wass hod-carriers. 

Harry (icalking in front of him). No, no! You're only 
likely to be hit with another one. The robins are dangerous 
when annoyed. And the old chimney's coming apart. 

Abie (drawing back sympathetically and putting right hand 
in pocket). Say, if der house needs any money to fix it 

Harry ( leading him back to center of room ) . No, we expect 
some money for it shortly. 

ENTER Mrs. McNulty tumultuously at doorway folloived by 

Gertie. 

Mrs. McNulty (to Harry). Where's Stephen Crawford? 
Give him to me at once. 

Harry (positively). We haven't got him to give away. 
Mrs. McNulty. You have. A freshman next door to me 



24 The Kidnapped Freshman. 

swore he was here. Give him back to me. You're holding 
him for that reward. 

Abie (smoothly). Don't you worry, Mrs. McNulty. If he's 
here, me and my frients will get him. 

Mrs. McNulty ( turning on Mm fiercely ) . You ! Where do 
you come into this? {With an access of venom) I believe 
you've got him already. 

Abie {vigorously). I believe you've got him alretty. You 
only come here to chuckle a bluff. You're keepin' him till he 
signs up wit' your goil. 

Mrs. McNulty {seething). How dare you. For shame. 
Makin' my daughter blush. 

Abie. Well, ain't she used to blushing? (Bill Collectors 
and two Students crowd in through doorway) 

Students. What's the riot? 

Harry. Why don't you hunt for him at the Beta Theta 
Lambda house? His father's gone there to get him. 

Mrs. McNulty. I'll go there, I want to see his father. 
{Clutching Harry's arm) And you'll all come too. I'll have 
no tricks. Gertie, stay and watch the house. 

Abie {to a Collector). You stay and look after her. And 
don't let her do all der work of huntin' for dot feller. 
(Mrs. McNulty, Abie and three Mil Collectors herd Psi Nu 
men out doorway) 

Gertie. I hear voices — and they're not heavenly either. 
[EXIT L. D. Bill Collector follows her with determination. 

ENTER at doorway from r., Paul and Mabel. Mabel sinks on 
lounge wearily. 

Paul {anxiously). Mabel, you should have stayed at the 
hotel with mother. These hills weren't made for young ladies' 
shoes. 

Mabel. I couldn't rest with Stephen missing. 

Paul. You'd better rest here while I get you a drink — of 
milk — and a bite to eat. 

[EXIT R. doorway. Mabel gets up listlessly. 

Stephen {tumbles into the fire-place, landing on the logs. 
His clothes, hands and face are streaked toith soot). Hello! 

Mabel. Stephen! {She runs to him with outstretched 
arm. He extends his arms toward her, but suddenly recoils) 

Stephen {with uplifted hand). Stop! 

Mabel {faltering). Why, Stephen, aren't we still friends? 



The Kidnapped Freshman. 25 

Stephen (pointing to himself). Yes— that's why I don't 
want you to touch me. 

Mabel (coming nearer in a flutter). Oh, Stephen, you seem 
to have dropped from Heaven. 

Stephen (surveying himself). Look more as if I came from 
the other place. 

Mabel. Why were you hidden there — in the chimney, I 
mean? 

Stephen. It's the way the fellows tried to get me in their 
frat. But I lost my grip on things. 

Mabel. You're hurt? 

Stephen. Not when I see you again. (Mabel turns away 
shyly and sits on lounge) 

Mabel. Er — Stephen, you look as messy as you did when 
you were fussing with that old dynamo and telegraph instru- 
ment in high school. Remember? 

Stephen (dropping heside her). Do I? Do you remember 
the telegraph alphabet I taught you? 

Mabel. Yes. 

Stephen. I wonder. (Takes her hand. Her eyes unden) 
Just for an experiment. (On her palm his right forefinger 
taps three 'words) What was that? 

Mabel (turning head away). I — I don't understand. 

Stephen (smiling). Yes, you do! You witch, you want me 
to do it again. They're the words every girl wants repeated. 

Mabel (her head still averted). How do you know? 

Stephen. Oh, I know all right. Now, I'll do it once more. 
(Taps three icords) Spell the words. 

Mabel (shrinking more than ever). I — I can't. 

Stephen (leaning nearer). Then, to make sure you got 
them right, do what's recommended in telegrams — send them 
back to me, I'll spell them. (Slowly, ivith her head down, she 
taps with her forefinger on his palm) I 1-o-v 

Mabel (turning to him swiftly). Oh, Stephen! (They 
emhrace and Stephen imprints a lat^ge dark kiss on her fore- 
head, just as Paul appears in doorway with a tray hearing a 
glass of milk and cracker) 

Paul. Stephen! (The milk and crackers go to ruin on the 
floor, Stephen swings around, leaving Mabel's fa<}e and 
clothes liberally sprinkled ivith soot) 

Stephen. Paul ! 

Paul. Flack said in the kitchen you were safe up the 
chimney. 

Stephen. I couldn't stay long in the higher altitude. 



26 The Kidnapped Freshman. 

Paul (grabbing Stephen's arm). Get back. You'll be 
caught by those upstairs. 

Stephen (backing aivay). No, thanks! I've seen all the 
sights there once. College hasn't fitted me for a chimney 
sweep. 

Paul (pulling Stephen). For Heaven's sake get out of 
sight. 

Stephen (resisting). No! I've had enough of that life. 
Why shouldn't I appear in public? (As Paul is trying to drag 
Mm along. Gertie appears l. d.) 

ENTER Gertie l. d. 

Gertie. Stephen! (Running forward) I'll rescue you ! 

Stephen (breaking from Paul and running). I don't want 
you to rescue me. 

Paul. > Come, here ! Come here ! ( Chase Stephen 

Gertie \ around c. table, Mabel watching with disfavor) 

Stephen (grabs a chair, lifts it threateningly and holds 
them at bay on other side of table). If you come a step nearer, 
I'll muss you up. 

Gertie. Oh, Steve, come on home with me right away. 

Paul (looking at Gertie curiously). H'm! Seems as if you 
two are only practising future domestic scenes. 

Stephen. Don't you believe yourself. (Lowering chair) 
Paul, I'd like to speak to these young ladies alone. Will you 
kindly put yourself on the retired list? 

Paul. I'm rather interested in this case. 

Stephen (suddenly). A bill collector's upstairs — in your 
room, I think. Did you lock up your new clothes? (Paul in 
alarm EXITS doorway. Thumping fist on table emphatically) 
Now, Gertie, this has got to stop. 

Gertie (a maiden in distress). What, all is over between 
us? (Mabel winces) 

Stephen. No good your getting crazy about me. (Indicating 
Mabel) I'm practically engaged to this young lady. 

Mabel. You're not. 

Stephen. M,^bel. 

Mabel (nearly in tears). You think you can deceive me and 
carry on with several girls at once! (Shifting and looking at 
herself) And then you dare to give me these — these marks of 
affection. (Turns aioay) 

Stephen (going to Mabel). Mabel, I swear I was never 
faithful to any girl but you. 



Tlie Kidnapped Freshman. 27 

Mabel (going toward doorway, sobbing). If you'd given me 
a diamond engagement ring I'd give it back to you ! 

Stephen. Mabel, for Heaven's sake don't say that! It's 
awful! (Mabel continues toward doorway) Mabel, where are 
you going? (He steps after her) 

Mabel. To my b-brother. (As she goes out) No wonder 
you knew that g-girls w-want it r-r-repeated. (Stephen halts 
beside lounge and looks after Mabel in blank dismay) 

[EXIT Mabel doorway, and goes l. 

Gertie {turning on him vindictively). I'm goin' to get my 
mother and tell her how you've been lurin' me on ! (Flounces 
out doorway, going toward B. Stephen sinks on lounge 
crumpled. Bill and Mickey, capped and aproned as chefs, 
poke heads in at l. d.) 

ENTER Bill and Mickey l. d., carefully steal upon Stephen. 
With scarcely a struggle or sound they gag him with a dish 
towel they carry. They bind his ankles with the ropes 
lying on the lounge and tie his wrists together behind his 
back, so that his hands are left free to move. Then they 
bear him quickly toward l. d. 

Mickey (hoarsely, as they go out). Here's where we kidnap 
dat two t'ousand dollars ! 

[EXIT Bill, Mickey and Stephen l. d. 

ENTER doorway Jack, Alfred, Gertie, Mb. Crawford, 
Chester, Abie, Bill Collectors, Psi Nu Men, Beta Theta 
Lambda Men, Freshmen, Sophomores and Mrs. McNulty 
who is pulling Harry bif the arm. 

Mrs. McNulty (fiercely to Harry, who retreats). Now will 
you hand him out to us? Will you — or won't you? Isn't it 
enough for you to send us scramblin' off to Beta Theta Lambda 
when he was stuck here all the time? 

Harry. Now, Mrs. McNulty 

Mrs. McNulty. Not a word! (Pointing to Chester) I 
s'pose you want to deny what he says about you and your 
gang grabbin' Stephen for yourselves? 

Chester. What do you mean by keeping him from the Psi 
Nus? 

ENTER doorway Bill Collector, Paul and Mabel, who is 
dabbing at her eyes. 



^8 The Kidnapped Freshman. 

Mr. Crawfoed (stepping toward Harry). Will you let me 
have my own son? Will you — or must I call out the police? 

Harry (holding up Ms hand to stop). Mr, Crawford, if 
your son were restored to you, would you make an appropria- 
tion for his debts? 

Mr. Crawford. Yes. (Joyful cries from Mrs. McNulty and 
Bill Collectors of "Good'' ''That's a great idea!'' "Fine 
business man! ") I'd have to anyhow. 

Harry (holding up hand again). And if our frat should 
happen to have him, would you let him join us — and pay us 
the reward? 

All (to Mb. Crawford, protestingly) . No, no! Don't you da 
it ! It's extortion. 

Chester. I should get the reward for first telling Mr. Craw- 
ford his son was here. 

Gertie. I should get it because I saw Stephen here. 

Mrs. McNulty. / should get it for making Mr. Crawford 
come here. (All squabble, Bill Collectors, Freshmen and 
Sophomores joining in) 

Mr. Crawford (breaking through lorangling group around 
Harry). I'll do anything to get my boy — except listen to this 
raving. For Heaven's sake let's have a look at him. 

Harry. All right. (He saunters to fire-place, while All stand 
still and watch him attentively. Looks up chimney, then sud- 
denly claps hand to right eye and begins dancing on hearth-rug) 

Alfred. What's the matter? 

Harry (in anguish). A landslide hit my eye. (Attempts 
to gouge it out) 

Alfeeb (anxiously). Blow your nose. Blow your nose. 

Harry (still dancing). I won't blow my nose. 

Mr. Crawford (coming angrily forward to Harry). What do 
you mean by these antics when you should be producing my 
son? 

Harry. Darn your son, I don't know where he is. 

Mr. Crawford. What, you said 

Harry. I thought he was up the blasted chimney, but he's 
gone. 

All, Gone ! 

Mrs. McNulty (furiously). You've taken him away. 

Harry. I haven't ! You've done it, if anyone has. 

Abie (pushing forward). I'd lend money to bet she has. 

Mrs. McNulty. I haven't. You have ! 

ENTER Flack l. d. 



The Kidnapped Freshman. g9 

Flack (to Harky). Those burglars tied me up and skipped! 

ENTER a Feeshman breathlessly at doorivay. 

Fkosh. Say, I just saw two awful tough-looking men haul a 
fellow away from here! (All give a yell and pile out doorway. 
Hakry stands petrified. Me. Crawford totters to a chair and 
Mabel sinks on the lounge) 

CURTAIN. 



ACT III. 



SCENE. — The same as Act I. Ten minutes later. The stage is 
dark, save for dim. moonlight through alcove ivindow. 
Pencils, writing paper, knife and lamp on desk l. At rise 
of curtain the room is empty. 

ENTER Bill at doorivay. He glides in closing door and flash- 
ing dark lantern ahout; creeps to alcove window, setting 
lantern on floor. Bill and Mickey are still wearing chefs 
caps and aprons. 

Bill (softly). Ain't a mug in de house, Mickey. H'ist him up 
■ — but don't butt me in de stummick wit him. (Sounds of 
hoisting and labored breathing by Bill. Stephen, bound and 
gagged, appears in tvindoio and is dragged into room, being 
laid on the floor. Mickey climbs into window and tumbles 
into the room. Bill in an angry whisper) Sh ! Can't yer 
keep out of de way of yerself ? 

Mickey (rising and rubbing himself resentfully). Well, dis 
a darn fool place ter bring him — right back ter his own stable ! 

Bill (lowering windoiv shade). Ain't I told yer it's de last 
place dey'll look fer him? We'll have a little time ter lay low 
and find another place ter hide him. Here, lend a hand, if yer 
got one left. (They lift Stephen and bring him into study. 
Bill picking up lantern. They stand Stephen against desk at 
L. with his back toward audience, while Bill turns on desk 
lamp ) 

Mickey, Where you gonna store him away, Bill? 

Bill. Som'ers where he'll keep. And say, while we're lookin' 
fer a good place we might's well look fer his coin too. (Bill 
and Mickey prowl around, opening bureau drawers, etc. 



30 The Kidnapped Freshman. 

Meanwhile Stephen manages after some straining to clutch a 
pencil on the desk behind him, and painfully scrawls on paper 
under his hand. Then he slowly hops around so that his hack is 
toward l., at right angles to his previous position, and begins 
waggling his fingers rapidly at burglars, who have been look- 
ing under beds at l., rear. They stop on hands and knees and 
ivatch open-mouthed) 

Mickey. Say, Bill, what's he doin'? {In sudden panic) Bill 
— is he hypnotizin' us? {Scrambling on all fours behind Bill) 
You get de hypnotism ! I can't stand it. 

Bill {ivatching closely). Looks like he's tryin' ter teach us 
de dummy language. {Fingers all stop and point with pencil 
to writing on paper. Bill rises with elaborate caution, steps 
nearer on tiptoes, and looks at writing) Why, he's been writin' 
in back of him! 

Mickey {impressed). Writin' backwards! Must be keepin' 

himself in practice. Read it ter me, Bill 1 wasn't brought 

up dat way. 

Bill ( bending over and deciphering). He writes — he writes — 
"Let me write!" {Straightening up. To Stephen) No, 
t'anks, we don't want no letters from you. 

Mickey. Aw, go ahead. Bill, let him, I likes ter see it. A 
college guy dat kin write like dat standin' up backwards 
oughter write swell sittin' down frontwards. {Persuasively) 
Maybe he'll tell us where we kin get his coin. 

Bill {grudgingly). Oh, all right — but it'll have ter be short 
an' sweet. {They seat Stephen at Chester's desk l., bind up- 
per part of arms and release his right forearm, keeping his left 
bound. Bill sets paper before him and Stephen writes, Bill 
guarding the free arm) 

Mickey {hanging on every motion). Look at 'im write, wit' 
only one hand free — and wit'out lickin' de pencil. Gee, ain't 
a college eddication wonderful ! Say, Bill, what's it all about? 

Bill {reading in a sing-song voice — rolling his head from' 
side to side and following writing with his finger). Fer Heav- 
ing's sake let me go if yer have any feelin' in yer hearts unite 
me — no, untie me I'll get yer de two t'ousand if yer do dere's a " 
{Stops and stares at writing intently) 

Mickey {tremulously). What is it? Somep'n awful? 

Bill. Couple o' wiggles an' a curl. 

Mickey {testily). I can see dat meself. Go on — what's de 
rest? 

Bill. Oh — it's *'goil" — of course! {Resuming reading) 
" Dere's a goil 1 must speak ter or lose her fer good." 



The Kidnapped Freshman. 31 

Mickey (delighted). Ain't it great! (Stephen looks at 
him) Ter say all dat wit' a few lines. {To Stephen) Go on. 
Write some more. 

BiLi, {raising his hand, his voice troubled with emotion). 
No. He has wrote enough. 

Mickey. Not fer me. 

Bill (clearing his throat confidentially). Mickey — h'm — I 
must admit dat he has reached me. Wimmen is my greatest 
weakness. 

Mickey. Writin's mine. 

Bill (suddenly binding up Stephen's right hand again). 
But I've got a weakness fer dat two t'ousand. Someone's on 
de porch! {Voices sound faintly outside. Bill crumples paper 
on which Stephen has written and throws it in ivaste basket) 

Mickey (lifting Stephen out of chair hastily). Where'll we 
sling him? 

Bill (tearing off cap and apron and slapping them on 
Stephen's head and shoulders). Into de closet. We'll lock it. 
(Mickey also slaps his cap and apron on Stephen. They 
push him into closet and lock door) 

Mickey. What'll we do wit' de key? 

Bill (removing key). I'll take it. 

Mickey (suspiciously) . And have yer sneak here an' get him 
out by yer lonesome? Not much! (Grabs key from Bill.) 

Bill. Yer want de reward fer yerself, do yer? I'll take it. 
(Seizes Mickey's hand and a slight struggle starts. Voices 
approach) 

Mickey (in whisper). Here dey come, we'll plant it under 
de carpet here. (Puts key under edge of carpet near closet 
door. Runs to alcove window, has a tussle with tvindow shade, 
and climbs out while Bill turns off light swiftly and follows 
him) 

ENTER doorway Mabel, Mb. Crawford, and Mrs. McNulty, 
ivho turns on light. 

Mr. Crawford (looking around woefully). I thought that a 
glimpse of the rooms where my poor boy studied and toiled up- 
ward in the night (Mrs. McNulty sniffs) might help console 
me for his loss, but somehow it doesn't. Oh, where is my boy 
now? Where is he? (Answering own question) Probably 
miles and miles away at this moment. 

Mrs. McNulty (raising windoiv shade). Have sense. He 
was took away only a few minutes ago. 



32 The Kidnapped Freshman. 

Me. Ceawfoed, My loneliness, madam, convinces me that he 
is miles away. And I can hardly stir another step after him. 
(Sinks hack in Morris chair after feeling its softness) 

Mabel {crossing to Me. Ceawfoed and laying Tier hand on his 
arm). Mr. Crawford, I feel for you. I — I miss Stephen too. 
I— I thought I wouldn't, but now he's gone 

Mes. McNulty. Then you ought to be on the go after him, 
like my Gertie. 

Me. Ceawfoed (ivith dignity). Mrs. McNulty, I am quite 
satisfied if Mabel stays beside me. I appreciate her sympathiz- 
ing with me. (To Mabel) You may do it all you like, my 
dear. (Sniff from Mes. McNulty, who goes over and tries to 
open closet door) 

Mes. McNulty. Locked, as usual. 

Me. Ceawfoed. As usual? Why, is it always locked? 

Mes. McNulty (still rattling knoh). I've always found it 
that way. 

Mb. Ceawfoed. Always found it — Mrs. McNulty, have you 
tried to force your way into my son's closet? 

Mes. McNulty (defiantly). Every chance I could. 

Me. Ceawfoed (sternly). Why? 

Mes. McNulty (facing Me. Ceawfoed). To sell some of his 
clothes. Do you suppose I was goin' to let him have these ele- 
gant rooms for three smiles a week? (Determinedly) And 
while you're here, you might as well pay me the bill he owes. 
It'll save him the trouble. 

Me. Ceawfoed (rising sorrowfully). Mrs. McNulty, it pains 
me deeply to hear you state that my son owes you any rent. 
If he was going to owe his rent, he might at least have done 
it in cheaper rooms. 

Mes. McNulty. But you said you'd pay his bills. 

Me. Ceawfoed. So I did — provided I get him back. 

Mes. McNulty. Don't you hope to get him back. 

Me. Ceawfoed (explosively). Certainly! But I combine the 
father with the business man. And my business caution com- 
pels me to doubt any bills, even my son's, until I've seen evi- 
dence of them. 

Mes. McNulty (going to doorway). If you don't believe me, 
come and look at my books. Try your business caution on 
them. 

Me. Ceawfoed (folloiving). Excuse me a moment, Mabel. 
Very important. (EXEUNT Mes. McNulty and Me. Ceaw- 
foed. An instant later a telegraphic tapping sounds on closet 
door) 



The Kidnapped Freshman. 33 

Mabel. Stephen! {Runs to closet door and pulls on knoh. 
More rapping) No, I won't scream. Come out, come out. 
{Rapping. She listens) He's in your landlady's place, he won't 
hear. (Rattling knoh) Oh, where's the key? {Rapping. She 
listens, then searches under edge of carpet near closet and pulls 
out hey) I've got it, {Just hefore inserting it in lock she stops. 
Softly) Stephen, you — you really do liL'3 me better than her? 
{Furiously rapping. Mabel eagerly unlocks door and starts 
to clutch Steve, hut stops a moment in astonishment. With 
his hack to closet door, Steve stands still hound, a chefs cap 
on head and aprons on shoulders. Mabel grasps him< hy arms) 
Stephen! {Wipes hands on aprons. Pulling off towel) How 
did you get there? 

Stephen. By courtesy of the burglars. (She seises a knife 
from Chester's desk and cuts ropes. Steve turns swiftly and 
holds out arms) Mabel! 

Mabel {backing aicay tcith a smile). One experience was 
enough. This time I'll credit you with the good intention. 

Stephen. That won't do for me. {Puts on an apron, ap- 
proaches her, wipes off his mouth on apron, leans forward 
gingerly, kisses her on cheek, wipci off her cheek) There's a 
sanitary salutation. You shouldn't have asked me if I like 
you better while I was in there. Ho v could 1 convince you with 
my arms tied? {Turning aiocj ruefully) But I won't convince 
my father in any way after T'li. McNulty's through with him. 
When she's told him all about my debts and her daughter, it'll 
be good-bye to a rice bath for you and me. 

Mabel. No, no, it won't. I know your father likes me. 

Stephen (dejectedly). That's the reason he won't want you 
to have anything to do with me. Serves me darn good and 
right. But that doesn't make me fcsl any more inclined to face 
his bristling eyebrows. 

Mabel. You don't deserve such a punishment. (Suddenly) 
I know what we'll do; wc'jI — we'll — (Lowering her head) 
Stephen, give me your hand. (Stephen wipes off hand on 
apron and gives it to her) 

Stephen. There — feel better? 

Mabel. This is what we'll do. We'll (She taps a ivord on 

his palm) 

Stephen (excitedly). D'you mean it? (Mabel nods. 
Stephen starts to embrace her, hut ends hy shaking her hand 
solemnly. He throws apron off and goes to alcove ivindoiu 
quickly) This way out. 

[EXEUNT Mabel and Stephen through window. 



34 The Kidnapped Freshman. 

SNTER doorivay Me. Crawfobd and Mrs. McNulty. 

Mr. Crawford. I'm sorry to see my son hasn't paid his 
rent. But I suppose it's an old college custom. {Looking 
around) Where's Mabel? Kidnapped too? 

Mrs. McNulty {scornfully) . Guess she's taken my hint and 
gone to look for your son. (Bill is dragged in doorway by 
Jack, Alfred, Harry, Chester, Gertie and several others) 

Jack. Now will you show us where you've put him? {Notic- 
ing Mr. Crawford) Ah, Mr. Crawford — we caught this kid- 
napper near here. 

Mr. Crawford {going to Bill, fiercely). Where is my son? 
Where is he? Have you no respect for my gray hairs — or 
don't you care if they are gray? 

Bill. See here, old gen'leman, if I show you where he is, do 
I git dose two t'ousand cabbage leaves fer all de trouble he's 
give me? 

Harry {stepping forward). What, you're demanding money 
for him? It's insufferable. 

Bill {scornfvlly) . I suppose youse was only goin' ter charge 
dat two t'ousand fer board? {To Mr. Crawford) Well, are yer 
goin' ter gimme dat little souvenir? 

Mr. Crawford {walking up and down distractedly). Yes — 
oh yes ! I suppose I'll have to give money to someone. It 
might as well be you. 

Bill. Write down yer promise, so yer don't fergit. Write 
down too dat yer won't stop payment on de check before I've 
cashed it. {Takes paper which Mr. Crawford writes out, reads 
and pockets it) Very nice. Now write out de check. 

Mr. Crawford {pausing). Only for value received. When I 
get my son 

Bill. Not till yer writes out de check and leaves it dere. 
{Points to desk l. Fiercely) Don't yer t'ink I'm honest? (Mr. 
Crawford takes out check-hook, writes a draft and places it 
on desk) T'anks very much. Now I'll make yer son appear 
wit' a few quick passes. {Oocs to edge of carpet near closet 
and searches under it, all watching. Finds no key — burrows. 
Looks blank, stops) Dey's been a t'ief here! {Suddenly Jumps 
to closet door, grabs knob and pulls. Door flies open and Bill 
staggers back, looking dazedly at closet) Wow! {Leaps into 
closet and paios around among clothes, knocking most of them 
down) 

Mr. Crawford {sharply). You're making passes enough, but 
I don't see him. 



The Kidnapped Freshman. 35 

Bill ( emerging, baffled). I ain't got him. 

Mr. Crawford (snatching up check and pocketing it). So, 
you tried to get the check when you didn't have him. Thank 
Heaven I saved my money. 

Bill. I did have him. I'll bet my pal's grabbed him offen me. 

Mr. Crawford. Where would your pal go? 

Bill. I dunno, but he can't be far away, de snake. 

Mr. Crawford (going to doorway). Come on! (Doggedly) 
I'll get my boy this time or I'll — I'll increase his reward! 
(EXIT doorway. All start to folloiv him, including Bill) 

Harry (putting up hand and stopping Bill). You're not in- 
vited. Tommy, stay and keep him here — see he makes himself 
completely at home, same as in jail. (EXIT Harry, doorway. 
Mrs. McNulty pauses on threshold) 

Mrs. McNulty (indicating closet). Gertie — you stay too — 
and keep an eye on those clothes. (EXEUNT all hut Gertie, 
Bill and Tommy. Tommy picks up aprons, throws them in 
closet and begins to close door, Gertie watching him. Bill 
starts to sidle toward alcove tvindow) 

Gertie (turning her head sharply). Stop! (Bill stops near 
icindow as Tommy steps toward him. To Tommy) Leave him 
to me. (To Bill, pointing imperiously) Come back here, sir! 

Bill (admiringly). It's wort' it, just to look at a goil wit' 
noive like yourn ! (Comes nearer her slowly) 

Gertie (looking down with a demure smile). Go 'long with 
your blarney. Were you going after your friend, like the rest 
of them? 

Bill. Yer guess me t'oughts pretty well, fer a stranger. 

Gertie. And when you got him, you'd bring him back here, 
of course? 

Bill (frankly). Honest, miss, dere wouldn't be enough of 
him left. After de way he trun me down, I'd just have ter eat 
him alive. 

Gertie (drawing back in flattering feminine alarm). What a 
terrible man you must be. 

Bill (modestly). Oh, I ain't so bad. (With a regretful sigh) 
Dey's plenty worse in de business. 

Gertie. Hasn't anyone ever tried to reform you? (Tommy 
looks at her, gives a silent whisle and strolls into alcove) 

Bill. No one, miss. 

Gertie (going up to him). Would you like to be reformed? 

Bill (eagerly). Would you like to take de job, Miss? 

Gertie (considering him). I think you would be rather an 



36 The Kidnapped I^reshman. 

interestin' man to raise. (Tommy punches hed-pillows in glee) 
Bill (smoothing his hair). Start right in, Miss. 

ENTER doorway pulling in Mickey, remainder of characters 
excepting Mabel, Stephen and Mrs. Ransom. 

Me. Crawfoed. Here's the snake. 

Bill (crossing over to Mickey, ferociously). Dey got yer, 
did dey? (To Students holding Mickey) Just let me tell him 
a few t'ings wit' me fists. 

Geetie. Don't, remember, I'm reformin' you. 

Bill. All right, Miss. But I just want ter put me hands on 
dis bloke before I reform. (Approaches Mickey with fists 
clenched) 

Mickey. What's de matter, Bill? Don't yer recognize yer 
ole pal Mickey? 

Bill. Yes, I recernize yer all right, but nobody else will 
when I git t'rough wit' yer. Whatcher done wit' dat student 
we was ter share? 

Mickey (astonished) . What have I done wit' him? Nuttin'. 

Bill. Looky here now, Mickey Sweeney, I advise yer as yer 
friend not ter pull dat bluff wit' me! Yer better not do it 
wit' dat closet open and him gone. (Points to half -open closet 
door) 

Mickey (starting forward). Well, if dat ain't a surprise. 

Bill. I suppose yer'll say yer didn't take him now, after 
bein' so anxious about dat key? 

Mickey (angrily). I didn't take him. Took him yerself. 
Yer was just as crazy fer de key. 

Bill (coming closer and raising fist). You tell me where 
yer put him, he's mine as much as yourn. 

Mickey (wagging head in Bill's face like a terrier). I ain't 
got him, an' you know it better'n I do. 

Mr. Ceawford (stepping forward). It's my belief you've both 
got him — and you're both bluffing. 

ENTER doorway, Mabel and Stephen whose face is washed. 

Stephen. Nobody's bluffing for once, dad. I've got myself. 

All (amazed). Stephen! (Mr. Ceawfoed rushes to him and 
shakes him by shoulders in delight) 

Stephen. Look out, dad. Don't kill me. I'm not the fatted 
calf. 

Mr. Crawford. Where' ve you been? 



' The Kidnapped Freshman. 37 

Stephen. Calling on a minister. (Taking Mabel's hand) 
Permit me to present the girl who has kindly consented to let 
me pay her dressmaker's bills. I'm going to settle down and 
prove worthy of them. 

Mbs. McNulty (fiercely). I'll have you to court for de- 
sertin' my Gertie. 

Tommy (stepping forivard). Don't you bother. From what 
I saw, Bill there has burglarized her interest. 

Mrs. McNulty. Gertie! (Gertie looks at floor) 

Chester. You eloped, Steve? 

Stephen (looking at Mabel). No — kidnapped. 

Mr. Crawford ( handing Mabel the check ) . Let me give you 
this reward for kidnapping him. 

CURTAIN. 



OAK FARM 

COMEDY DRAMA IN THREE ACTS 

By ANTHONY E. WILLS 
PRICE 25 CENTS 

Seven male, four female characters, being first old man, leading man, 
comedy, character heavy, three comedy characters; first old lady, leading 
lady and two lady comedy characters. Time of playing, 3j4 hours. 

SYNOPSIS OF INCIDENTS. 

Act I. — Scene, room in the Weatherby home. Oak Farm. Donald 
departs for college. The farm mortgaged. Donald and Helen betrothed. 
The rain agent. Joel and Sally. Prune, postmaster and money lender. 

Act II. — Scene, the same, three years later. The intercepted letters. 
"Why does not Donald write?" The old maid's suitors. Prune's rascality. 
The mortgage due. 

Act III. — Same scene, two months later. Prune unmasked. The old 
maid's stratagem. The stranger's offer declined. "I am Donald." Joy at 
Oak Farm. 



ESCAPED FROM THE LAW 

COMEDY DRAMA IN FIVE ACTS 

By C. WALCOTT RUSSELL 

PRICE 25 CENTS 

Seven male, five female characters. The owner of a factory, his super- 
intendent, a French scientist, a physician, an English jjabor agitator, gardener 
and butler. The owner's wife and daughter, his partner's widow, a maid- 
servant, a neighbor and a policeman. A labor agitator's plot to promote a 
strike and burn the owner's house. Time of playing, 2K hours. 3 interior 
and I exterior scenes. 

SYNOPSIS OF INCIDENTS. 

Act I. — Morning. The Irishman and the anarchist. The doctor recog- 
nizes and exposes the woman from Martinique. 

Act II. — Evening. A wife's confession. Flight. 

Act III. — Three weeks later. The dying child. One of Nature's noble- 
men. The plot to burn the factory. "Your silence or your life." 

Act IV. — The widow and the superintendent. The house surrounded 
by rioters. The telegraph message. The wires cut. 

Act V. — A wife's sacrifice and husband's remorse. The rioters dis- 
parsed. Home and love once more. 



THE DEACON 

COMEDY-DRAMA IN FIVE ACTS, BY HORACE C. DALE 
PRICE 25 CENTS 

^ Nine male, six female characters, including eccentric comedy old man, 

tuvenile lead, genteel villain, negro, country boy, first and second walking 
idy, comic old maid, juvenile, and soubrette. Four of the male characters 
may be played by one utility man. Time of playing, 2i/^ hours. Easily 
staged, and full of startling incidents. 

SYNOPSIS OF INCIDENTS. 

Act I. — Scene — Eastville Hotel garden. The robbery. Pete delivers 
an invitation. Meeting of Graef and Wheeler. The Deacon's arrival. The 
Deacon gets hilarious. The Deacon is sick. 

Act II. — Scene — Mrs. Thornton's sitting-room. Pete promotes himself. 
Miss Amelia is anxious about her "dear little pet." The Deacon makes 
a mistake. "Were you and Bill married by candle light?" "Deacon, you 
are drunk." Miss Amelia prescribes for the Deacon. 

Act III. — Scene I. — A street. Mother and child. The meeting of 
husband and wife. "What, you here?" Accused of many bitter things. 
Left in the streets. 

Scene II. — Geo. Graef's lodgings. The finding of the diamonds. Meet- 
ing of Graef and Mrs. Darrah, "Minnie, is this you?" The photo. "Yes, 
alas, too well!" 

Scene III. — A street. Pete persuades Billy to accompany him on an 
expedition. 

Scene IV. — A wood. Treasure hunters. The treasure is found. Caught 
by the spirits. 

Act IV. — Scene — Mrs. Thornton's sitting-room. Daisy shows Pete what 
she would _ do. Miss Amelia's heart is in a flutter. Pete at his tricks. 
Consternation. The Deacon taken by surprise. Again there is consterna- 
tion. Billy creates excitement. "Thank Heaven! At last I enfold thee." 

Act V. — Scene — Mrs. Thornton's sitting-room. The Deacon in clover. 
The interrupted marriage ceremony. "That man has a wife living." " 'Tis 
false!" An attack. The villain foiled. Arrest of Geo. Darrah. Reinstate- 
ment of Graef. Mrs. Darrah and Nellie forgiven. The Deacon made happy. 

THE DEACON'S TRIBULATIONS 

A COMEDY-DRAMA IN FOUR ACTS, BY HORACE C. DALE 
' PRICE IS CENTS 

Eight male, four female characters, consisting of eccentric old man, 
juvenile lead, two heavy and one eccentric characters, country boy, negro, 
utility, comic old woman, walking lady, juvenile, soubrette. Time of playing, 
2 hours. A bright sequel to "The Deacon/' and final cure of his fond- 
ness for "lemonade with a stick in it." Pete is tricky as ever. Daisy is 
tazde happy forever. 

SYNOPSIS OF INCIDENTS. 

Act I. — Deacon Thornton at home. A.meHa delivers a curtain lecture, 
and the Deacon grows meek. Brandy and parsley. An innocent kiss. Dusty 
Jim. The jail-breakers. Pete at his old tricks. The Deacon to the rescue. 
*'I fotched it, I fotched it!" 

Act II. — The Deacon's sitting-Foom. Daisy's elation. A black and white 
bargain. The coon-hunt. "Swiping" the wrong victim. The letter from 
a tramp. Billy's pet rooster. The robbery and the clue. A resurrected 
mogul plays possum and creates a panic. 

Act III. — Bums' retreat. The conspiracy. The coon-hunters. Fete 
makes a discovery. The Deacon comes home the worse for wear, and starts 
another upheaval. The abduction and the alarm. Amelia's predicament. 
"In Heaven's name, what does this mean?" 

Act IV. — Awaiting developments at Bums' retreat. A midnight hold-up. 
A tilt between Amelia and Daisy. The Deacon's promise. A new surprise. 
Dusty Jim's account of himself. Reconciliation. "United we stan'^ 'vided 
we fall. Hooray!" 



Squire Thompkin's Daughter 

A DRAMA IN FIVE ACTS, BY ARTHUR L. BUZZELL. 
PRICE 25 CENTS 

Five male, two female characters. They consist of two farmers, a 
banker and his accomplice, a youthful lover, a farmer's wife and daughter. 
Time of playing, 2j4 hours. A finely drawn story of rascality, misplaced 
confidence and retribution. 

SYNOPSIS OF INCIDENTS. 

Act I. — Scene, the farmhouse sitting-room. The declaration. Tht 
temptation. Signing the mortgage, Millie's departure. 

Act II. — Same scene, a year later. The raised notes. Foreclosure of 
the mortgage. Eviction. 

Act III. — Scene, Millie's room in city boarding house. Disclosure of the 
plot. Friends on the track. The attempted murder. Millie's fearful 
mistake. 

Act IV. — Scene in a street, afterwards room in a cheap boarding house. 
Millie falls into the trap for her betrayal. Destruction of the notes. The 
fire. The escape. 

Act V. — Scene, the banker's parlor. The friend in disguise. The mock 
parson. Foiled. Millie's rescue. Redemption of the farm. 



In the Absence of Susan 

A COMEDY IN THREE ACTS, BY A. C. THOMPSON. 
PRICE 25 CENTS 

Four male, six female characters. An elderly gentleman, two young 
men, a sailor. A middle-aged lady, her two daughters, a young lady friend, 
a gossip and a maidservant. Time of playing, about 2 hours. An elabo- 
rately worked-out character comedy, i interior and i exterior scenes. 

SYNOPSIS OF INCIDENTS. 

Act I. — Susan, the house tyrant. Dick awaits Geoffrey's arrival. The 
meeting at the cliff. The adventure. Departure of Susan. 

Act II.— Two days later. The letter to Susan. The recognition. 
Carrots! Preparations for festivities. Love making. 

Act III.— The game of tennis. The masquerade. Susan's letter. Con- 
sternation. Jane and her sailor. Return of Susan and her intended husband, 
Susan squelched. "Not a word, now." Engagements galore. 



MILITARY PLAYS 

25 CENTS EACH 

M. F. 

BY THE ENEMY'S HAND. 4 Acts; Shours 50 4 

ED^VAKDS, THE SPY. 5 Acts; 2^ hours 10 4 

PRISONER OF ANDERSON VILLE. 4 Acts; 214 hours.. 10 4 

CAPTAIN DICK. 3 Acts; li^ hours 9 6 

ISABEL, THE PEARL. OF CUBA. 4 Acts; 2 hours 9 3 

LITTLE SAVAGE. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 4 4 

BY FORCE OF IMPULSE. (15 cents.) 5 Acts; 2^ hours 9 3 

BETWEEN TWO FIRES. (15 cents.) 3 Acts; 2 hours 8 3 



RURAL PLAYS 

25 CENTS EACH 

MAN FROM MAINE. 5 Acts; 8^ hours 9 

AMONG THE BERKSHIRES. 3 Acts; 214 hours 8 

OAK FARM. 3 Acts; 21^ hours; 1 Stage Setting 7 

GREAT WINTERSON MINE. 3 Acts; 2 hours 6 

SQUIRE THOMPKINS' DAUGHTER. 5 Acts; 2i^ hours 5 

WHEN A MAN'S SINGLE. 3 Acts; 2 hours 4 

FROM PUNKIN RIDGE. (15 cents.) 1 Act; Ihour... 6 

LETTER FROM HOME. (15 cents.) 1 Act; 25 minutes 1 



ENTERTAINMENTS 

25 CENTS EACH 

AUNT DINAH'S QUILTING PARTY. 1 Scene 5 11 

BACHELOR MAIDS' REUNION. 1 Scene 2 30 

IN THE FERRY HOUSE. 1 Scene; li^ hours 19 15 

JAPANESE WEDDING. 1 Scene; 1 hour 3 10 

MATRIMONIAL EXCHANGE. 2Acts;2hours 6 9 

OLD PLANTATION NIGHT. 1 Scene; 1^4 hours 4 4 

YE VILLAGE SKEWL OF LONG AGO. 1 Scene. 13 12 

FAMILIAR FACES OF A FUNNTT FAMILY 8 11 

JOLLY^ BACHELORS. Motion Song or Recitation 11 

CHRISTMAS MEDLEY. 30 minutes o.. 15 14 

EASTER TIDINGS. 20 minutes 8 

BUNCH OF ROSES. (15 cents.) 1 Act; IJ^ hours 1 13 

OVER THE GARDEN W^ALL. (15 cents) 11 8 



DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann Street, N. Y. 



sss$ 



LS"^ OF CONGRESS 

■n 



COMEDIES AND 

25 CENTS EACH 



017 401 

DRAMAS 



M. P. 



BREAKING HIS BONDS. 4 Acts; 2 hours 6 3 

BUTTERNUT'S BRIDE. 3 Acts; 2^^ hoars 11 6 

COLLEGE CHUMS. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 9 3 

COUNT OF NO ACCOUNT. 3 Acts; 2i^ hours 9 4 

DEACON. 5 Acts; 2!^ hours... 8 6 

DELEGATES FROM DENVER. 2 Acts; 45 minutes 3 10 

DOCTOR BY COURTEST. 3Acts;2hours 6 5 

EASTSIDERS, The. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 8 4 

ESCAPED FROM THE LAW. 5 Acts; 2 hours 7 4 

GIRL FROM PORTO RICO. 3 Acts; 2^^ hours 5 3 

GYPSY QUEEN. 4 Acts; 2i^ hours 5 3 

IN THE ABSENCE OF SUSAN. 3 Acts; 1]4 tours 4 6 

JAILBIRD. 5 Acts; 21^ hours 6 3 

JOSIAH'S COURTSHIP. 4 Acts; 2 hours.... 7 4 

MY LADY DARRELL. 4Act8; 2i^ hours 9 6 

MY UNCLE FROM INDIA. 4 Acts; 2^ hours 13 4 

NEXT DOOR. 3Acts;2hours 5-4 

PHYLLIS'S INHERITANCE. 3 Acts; 2 hours..... 6 9 

REGULAR FLIRT. 3Acts;2hours 4 4 

ROGUE'S LUCK. 3Act8;2hours 5 3 

SQUIRE'S STRATAGEM. 5 Acts; 2i^ hours 6 4 

STEEL KING. 4 Acts; 2^ hours 5 3 

WHAT'S NEXT? 3 Acts; 2^^ hours 7 4 

WHITE LIE. 4Acts; 2i^hour8 4 3 



WESTERN PLAYS 

25 CENTS EACH 

ROCKY FORD. 4Act8; 2hours 8 

GOLDEN GULCH. 3 Acts; 2^ hours.... 11 

RED ROSETTE. 3 Acts; 2 hours.. 6 

MISS MOSHER OF COLORADO. 4 Acts; 25^ hours.... 5 

STUBBORN MOTOR CAR. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 7 

CRAWFORD'S CLAIM. (15 cents.) 3 Acts; 214 hours. 9 



DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann Street, N. Y. 



